Steve Jones

Steve Jones entertaining Coventry December '77 - 'Dennis Morris' - (DC Collection)

GIVE IT SOME BOLLOCKS!!!

At last the true hero of the Sex Pistols can be revealed: a man who has devoted 26 years to shagging and heroic underachievement - stand up, Steve 'Fatty' Jones.

Nevermind Johnny Rotten's vitriol against the Queen's fascist regime or Sid Vicious and his dum-dum by nihilism. Forget 'Anarchy In The UK'. It was always clear what Steve Jones stood for -shagging, and plenty of it.

"Socially, I've been shagging as many birds as possible," he announced in a 1978 invterview. He listed his interests as "Birds, any birds." There was a glorious moment when the conversation turned to Pauline, the deranged woman whom the Pistols wrote 'Bodies' about. Now on any scale, pulling a bird who carries an aborted foetus in her bag is hardly a result. Unless you were Steve Jones that is. "Met her, I've shagged her an' all, round the back of the Marquee it was!" he proudly declared.

Jonesy's record was shagging five birds in one evening. His first two conquests were at the Nashville Club: "Not at the same time mind you but I took them out to the car in this alley I know. Then I went down to the Speakeasy and got another two, right? The same treatment, they didn't mind. Then I went down to the Embassy Club, a right posh place in Bond Street. I pulled one there. I didn't bother taking her to the car cos she was too nice. So I took her home." What a true romantic.

Steve seemed to suffer from an axcess of testosterone. After all, this was a man who once masturbated over a hot dog and then gave it to the despised Glen Matlock. His Pistols career featured other heroic moments: wearing that knotted handkerchief on his head for the 'Pretty Vacant' video; calling Bill Grundy a "dirty fucker" and a "fucking rotter"; and the moment at the Randy's Rodeo 'Battle Of The Alamo" gig in the States when, confronted by Texas rednecks throwing cans and bottles, Jonesy simply headed the offending missiles away like a burly . centre half.

When the Pistols split, Jones and drummer Paul Cook confessed everything to the music press: "We're just a couple of working class tossers. We was only in it for the birds, the booze and the piss-ups." And no one made a better working class tosser than Steve Jones.

He had spent much of his youth banged up in approved schools for nicking cars. His only job was three weeks as a window cleaner: "You used to get birds asking you in for a cup of tea like and you end up in bed with them." Most of the Pistols' equipment was stolen, claimed the light-fingered guitarist. "Steve had a lot of street suss, but not being able to read or write did make things a little difficult," explained Rotten. Steve Jones 1996 - (?)

But by the simple means of "giving it some bollocks" Steve Jones, illiterate tea leaf, emerged as the greatest power chord merchant in pop history. After the Pistols he should have become a guitar legend. Instead he turned underachievement into an art form.

Post-Rotten there was the cash-in single 'No One Is Innocent', filmed on a Brazilian beach with Ronnie Biggs. It was a true meeting of minds - Jones and Biggs instantly bonded with their tales of burglary and birds. "Steve Jones, Paul Cook and Ronnie Biggs, we're the next big thing," announced Jones. They weren't.

The rather good 'Silly Thing' followed, along with Jonesy's heartfelt vocal contribution to 'Friggin' In The Rigging', a song about shagging that began with "It was on the good ship Venus...". But Sid died and the remaining Pistols folded. Cook and Jones teamed up with a hippy called Andy and recorded an album with The Professionals. Good name. Shame the album bombed.

Jones then moved to LA where he proceeded to make Billy Idol look like a chaste workaholic. The perpetual encore guitarist, Jones never actually formed a successful band in 25 years. There were brushes with drug and alcohol addictions, an ignored solo album, some guitar work on Iggy Pop's Blah Blah Blah album... and that's it. His latest dodgy outfit is The Neurotic Outsiders with John Taylor and Duff McKagan of Guns N' Roses.

Then after 18 years of heroic loafing came the news of the Pistols reforming. Had failure changed Steve Jones? In the reformed Pistols first interview, Jonesy found a feature on streakers in a magazine. "Look at them big tits!" he enthused.

The 1996 Finsbury Park gig gloriously reaffirmed his commitment to shagging and rock'n'roll indulgence. There was Jonesy, fat and 40, unwisely squeezed into strides, arms around Stuart Pearce and Gareth Southgate. His one comment to the audience of ageing punks was, "Who wants a shag?" Could the boy still give it some bollocks on guitar? Of course he could. Creation Records boss Alan McGee took out a full page advert to announce that the Pistols were better than his Oasis charges.

And amid all the punk retrospective nonsense, it took Jonesy to never mind the bollocks. Standing by his LA swimming-pool, fag in hand and stripped to the waist to expose his tattoos, the flabby old fornicator announced on BBC2's Dancing In The Street: "I was brought up in Shepherd's Bush. I hardly went to school. I didn't know who the Prime Minister was. I just wanted to play and get hold of some birds."

Steve Jones, we salute you: the working class tosser, the greatest living English shagger.

MORE ONE TO ONES WITH THE STARS SOON......

	GIVE IT SOME BOLLOCKS!!! At last the true hero of the Sex Pistols can be revealed: a man who has devoted 26 years to shagging and heroic underachievement - stand up, Steve 'Fatty' Jones. Nevermind Johnny Rotten's vitriol against the Queen's fascist regime or Sid Vicious and his dum-dum by nihilism. Forget 'Anarchy In The UK'. It was always clear what Steve Jones stood for -shagging, and plenty of it. "Socially, I've been shagging as many birds as possible," he announced in a 1978 invterview. He listed his interests as "Birds, any birds." There was a glorious moment when the conversation turned to Pauline, the deranged woman whom the Pistols wrote 'Bodies' about. Now on any scale, pulling a bird who carries an aborted foetus in her bag is hardly a result. Unless you were Steve Jones that is. "Met her, I've shagged her an' all, round the back of the Marquee it was!" he proudly declared. Jonesy's record was shagging five birds in one evening. His first two conquests were at the Nashville Club: "Not at the same time mind you but I took them out to the car in this alley I know. Then I went down to the Speakeasy and got another two, right? The same treatment, they didn't mind. Then I went down to the Embassy Club, a right posh place in Bond Street. I pulled one there. I didn't bother taking her to the car cos she was too nice. So I took her home." What a true romantic. Steve seemed to suffer from an axcess of testosterone. After all, this was a man who once masturbated over a hot dog and then gave it to the despised Glen Matlock. His Pistols career featured other heroic moments: wearing that knotted handkerchief on his head for the 'Pretty Vacant' video; calling Bill Grundy a "dirty fucker" and a "fucking rotter"; and the moment at the Randy's Rodeo 'Battle Of The Alamo" gig in the States when, confronted by Texas rednecks throwing cans and bottles, Jonesy simply headed the offending missiles away like a burly . centre half. When the Pistols split, Jones and drummer Paul Cook confessed everything to the music press: "We're just a couple of working class tossers. We was only in it for the birds, the booze and the piss-ups." And no one made a better working class tosser than Steve Jones. He had spent much of his youth banged up in approved schools for nicking cars. His only job was three weeks as a window cleaner: "You used to get birds asking you in for a cup of tea like and you end up in bed with them." Most of the Pistols' equipment was stolen, claimed the light-fingered guitarist. "Steve had a lot of street suss, but not being able to read or write did make things a little difficult," explained Rotten. But by the simple means of "giving it some bollocks" Steve Jones, illiterate tea leaf, emerged as the greatest power chord merchant in pop history. After the Pistols he should have become a guitar legend. Instead he turned underachievement into an art form. Post-Rotten there was the cash-in single 'No One Is Innocent', filmed on a Brazilian beach with Ronnie Biggs. It was a true meeting of minds - Jones and Biggs instantly bonded with their tales of burglary and birds. "Steve Jones, Paul Cook and Ronnie Biggs, we're the next big thing," announced Jones. They weren't. The rather good 'Silly Thing' followed, along with Jonesy's heartfelt vocal contribution to 'Friggin' In The Rigging', a song about shagging that began with "It was on the good ship Venus...". But Sid died and the remaining Pistols folded. Cook and Jones teamed up with a hippy called Andy and recorded an album with The Professionals. Good name. Shame the album bombed. Jones then moved to LA where he proceeded to make Billy Idol look like a chaste workaholic. The perpetual encore guitarist, Jones never actually formed a successful band in 25 years. There were brushes with drug and alcohol addictions, an ignored solo album, some guitar work on Iggy Pop's Blah Blah Blah album... and that's it. His latest dodgy outfit is The Neurotic Outsiders with John Taylor and Duff McKagan of Guns N' Roses. Then after 18 years of heroic loafing came the news of the Pistols reforming. Had failure changed Steve Jones? In the reformed Pistols first interview, Jonesy found a feature on streakers in a magazine. "Look at them big tits!" he enthused. The 1996 Finsbury Park gig gloriously reaffirmed his commitment to shagging and rock'n'roll indulgence. There was Jonesy, fat and 40, unwisely squeezed into strides, arms around Stuart Pearce and Gareth Southgate. His one comment to the audience of ageing punks was, "Who wants a shag?" Could the boy still give it some bollocks on guitar? Of course he could. Creation Records boss Alan McGee took out a full page advert to announce that the Pistols were better than his Oasis charges. And amid all the punk retrospective nonsense, it took Jonesy to never mind the bollocks. Standing by his LA swimming-pool, fag in hand and stripped to the waist to expose his tattoos, the flabby old fornicator announced on BBC2's Dancing In The Street: "I was brought up in Shepherd's Bush. I hardly went to school. I didn't know who the Prime Minister was. I just wanted to play and get hold of some birds." Steve Jones, we salute you: the working class tosser, the greatest living English shagger. MORE ONE TO ONES WITH THE STARS SOON......